Thank Heavens for Bullies. We need them.
Sometimes people get the impression that I want all bullies to go away. But I really think they are valuable. Where would we all be without them? Now, what am I talking about!?
Continue reading →Tag Archives: safety
Story: Stripey, Helping other people relax.
A particular puzzle is how to relax other people when they get tense. This true story of an old cat may help – in a kind of backwards way.
Continue reading →Validation: The Skill and the Art
When we listen, do we understand? When we speak, do we get to feel understood? The skills of understanding, making a person feel understood, and speaking so that someone can understand you, are very important. In this article I hope to be able to explain about this and start you on your way. Seek to become an expert. I think this is really worth the investment.
Continue reading →Becoming a Source of Safety: Practical Steps
I was asked recently what are the steps to follow, practically, when you see your partner backing away from you even in everyday situations. I think the person was simultaneously looking for specific things to do and trying to head off trouble.
Continue reading →Dialogical Groups: Communologue
I am currently leading a group based on Communologue principles. These are the core of dialogical skills originally formulated in Imago Relationship, but recently expanded by the Imago Peace Project to include critical factors missing in Imago. Members of the Imago Peace Project (http://imagopeaceproject.org) can teach you these Communologue skills.
Continue reading →Are You a Controller? Sure you are.
Probably about 70% of couples I see have a significant problem with controlling. What is this? How does it work? What can you do about it? In this article I will try to answer those questions and share solutions with you.
Continue reading →The Logic of Power Differentials: Heirarchy and Dialogue
I am presenting this paper as a discussion of dialogue norms to use in Power Differential Relationships. My goal is to re-approach One-up/One-down situations from the relational model, the dialogical model that is central to Imago Relationship theory and practice.
The paper is divided into three sections:
1. Types of Power Differential Situations
2. Decision Making as the legitimate reason for Power Differential Situations
3. The Four Challenges facing groups trying to make decisions.
Boundaries for Couples: The Essay
Even as I began to understand about boundaries for individuals, I was still stunned by what wildness happens in a committed couple. People keep telling me that they can get along with anyone except their partner at home. I frequently watch professionally competent couples act like little, tantrum-throwing, children in my office. What are the boundary issues that make the experiences of couples, or an intimate relationships, so powerful? This paper covers what I have learned going on.
Dear Turtle, (May 8th, 2005)
"Dear Turtle, My question is – how possible is it to change one's response to fear – say from FIGHT to FLEE?"
Continue reading →Feelings and Emotions: The Essay, Part Two (FEAR, ANGER, GRIEF, JOY)
Now, I want to address the four prime emotions of fear, anger, grief and joy. Why only four? Well, these are the ones that give most people lots of trouble, both in having them, dealing with them and communicating about them. I will address one at a time, starting with FEAR.