How about it? Want to learn to be empathic? Want to know when you aren't? Want to improve? I believe that more and more people will be talking about the “need for more empathy.” I believe that the primary cause of conflict in our families, our partnerships, our business, our marriages, our political communities, our churches, and in the world, is a pronounced lack of reliable empathic skills.
Prompted by a friend on an online forum (MarriageAdvocates) I decided to share my view of Affairs. You might call this a Lizard view of Affairs. (This is not beginner material.)
For years I have been teaching and “thinking” about Feelings. I have been teaching what I call , the Four Prime Feelings for years: Fear, Anger, Sorrow, and Joy. But more and more I have become aware of a set of feelings that are very important and which are not usually called emotions. I think they are.
Continue reading →The first most important skill in any relationship is about how to create a tone of safety – how to reliably lower each other's blood pressure. This paper is the background.
All issues and problems that couples bring to my office are fair. Each person can lead the way out of the trouble. All problems EXCEPT ONE, that is. For one problem, there is only one person who can lead in the solution. This is the “Unfair Problem.”
This is the script of a DVD of the full form of the Map of Relationships. Part IV, Relationship Framework.
Continue reading →"Pulling" is a critical component of making good communication work smoothly. It stops the habit of interruption. It promotes full sharing of points and it enables people getting to ?the bottom of things? ? quality understanding. It is the necessary fourth step of the Mirroring teaching tool, but it is a skill all its own. Here's my brief definition of a pull. A brief verbal or non-verbal invitation by receiver to the sender to keep talking on the subject at hand only. This gesture ends the ?insult of interruption.?
Continue reading →"Dear Turtle, My question is – how possible is it to change one's response to fear – say from FIGHT to FLEE?"
Continue reading →I believe all humans require reliable connection with other humans. I see this as the principle drive that moves us, and holds us, together in partnership. At any given time one partner will probably need more and one will probably need less connection. Managing this becomes a challenge and sometimes an enormous stumbling block. Here are the principles and the solutions.