Triage: Seeing trouble in Relationships Around You
I am beginning to use the word Triage to apply to the question, "How much should I get involved? How much energy is it wise to expend on this person? / this couple?"
Category Archives: Boundaries
“Your Stuff is Never My Fault”
When someone says, “I’m hurt” or “That upsets me,” or “I'm anxious,” what is a useful response? I find this is a central problem in the common co-dependency I see. Here are some ideas and links to deeper understanding.
Continue reading →Mine or Yours or ?
I have been asked recently by people who are reading my papers on boundaries how to decide if something is mine or my partner's or what?? I was writing a response, and decided I'd better post it for everyone.
Continue reading →Guilt, Fault, and Who is to Blame
My gosh, people get this simple issue so confused. It isn’t all that difficult. Here’s my poster on it.
In …
Continue reading →Avoiding Transpersonal Pernicious Behavior in a Group
Some more thoughts on Guiding a Communologue Group. A new guideline added on Nov 1, '06.
Continue reading →Boundaries for Couples: The Essay
Even as I began to understand about boundaries for individuals, I was still stunned by what wildness happens in a committed couple. People keep telling me that they can get along with anyone except their partner at home. I frequently watch professionally competent couples act like little, tantrum-throwing, children in my office. What are the boundary issues that make the experiences of couples, or an intimate relationships, so powerful? This paper covers what I have learned going on.
Dear Turtle, (May 8th, 2005)
"Dear Turtle, My question is – how possible is it to change one's response to fear – say from FIGHT to FLEE?"
Continue reading →Excellent Boundaries
Several years ago, I was asked during a class, “How do you know that you have a great relationship?” I found myself mentioning four attributes – one was “excellent boundaries.” Someone then asked, “How would you recognize excellent boundaries? What are their indicators?” I thought about that for several weeks. I came up with a list. I have found this list quite provocative.
Continue reading →Boundaries for Individuals: The Essay
This is my paper on Boundaries for Individuals. This is everything I think a person needs to know about setting up and maintaining their differences when someone else is around. It contains all my thinking on personal boundaries. Enjoy.