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Noticing the Lizard in yourself and others.

Al Turtle's Relationship Wisdom Posted on May 25, 2014 by AlMay 25, 2014 20

This began as an answer to a question on the Marriage Advocates website.  Twas written back in February of 2011. Quote:  I have found that I’m very bad at identifying when other people’s lizard, particularly my partner’s, is triggered. I really … Continue reading →

Posted in Safety and Trust, Uncategorized | 20 Replies

Peace Building: The Essay

Al Turtle's Relationship Wisdom Posted on May 6, 2014 by Al TurtleJune 16, 2019  

When two people come together, they have a choice: to move toward Peace or to move toward War. The choices and the actions/habits that go with them are clear when one studies couples who are successful at bringing lasting Peace and those who are not.  (Sadly, most people I meet chose war!) What do you chose?  Here's my essay on this situation.

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Posted in Diversity, Peace Building | Tagged dialogue, essay, feelings, Imago, make sense, master-slave, mastertalk, mirroring, narcisism, peace, point of view, safety, share, trust, validation | Leave a reply

Relationship Posters for the Wall

Al Turtle's Relationship Wisdom Posted on May 3, 2014 by Al TurtleJune 16, 2019 9

 

In many ways, I am a slow learner. I have used many white sheets of paper with a saying on it. I posted these on the walls at my home and at my office, to keep reminding me over and over until my thick brain “get’s it.” Here are a bunch of them.

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Posted in Main Page | Tagged dialogue, fault, feelings, make sense, mirroring, safety, trust | 9 Replies

The Road to Empathy: The Essay

Al Turtle's Relationship Wisdom Posted on May 2, 2014 by Al TurtleJune 16, 2019 5

How about it? Want to learn to be empathic? Want to know when you aren't? Want to improve? I believe that more and more people will be talking about the “need for more empathy.” I believe that the primary cause of conflict in our families, our partnerships, our business, our marriages, our political communities, our churches, and in the world, is a pronounced lack of reliable empathic skills.

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Posted in Diversity, Main Page, Reliable Membership | Tagged boundary, dialogue, essay, fault, feelings, Imago, make sense, master-slave, mastertalk, mirroring, narcisism, need for connection, peace, point of view, pulling, safety, share, trust, validation | 5 Replies

To be Safe You Must Share

Al Turtle's Relationship Wisdom Posted on February 10, 2010 by Al TurtleJune 16, 2019 13

People still ask me, How much should I tell my partner? This paper and chart have had quite an impact on people. In some cases it has been "life changing" after one reading. That has surprised and pleased me.

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Posted in Communication, Diversity | Tagged affair, dialogue, mirroring, pulling, safety, share, trust, validation | 13 Replies

Vintage Love: What does it look like?

Al Turtle's Relationship Wisdom Posted on February 10, 2010 by Al TurtleJuly 11, 2013 1

I got this question, recently. Apparently in my Map of Relationships I have not described it enough. I guess I just referred to it as a "place" that people, all people want to go to. Well, ok, I'll share some thoughts on it.

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Posted in Diversity, Main Page, Map of Relationships, Reliable Membership | Tagged boundary, dialogue, master-slave, safety, share, trust, university of life, validation | 1 Reply

“Your Stuff is Never My Fault”

Al Turtle's Relationship Wisdom Posted on February 10, 2010 by Al TurtleNovember 22, 2019 2

When someone says, “I’m hurt” or “That upsets me,” or “I'm anxious,” what is a useful response? I find this is a central problem in the common co-dependency I see. Here are some ideas and links to deeper understanding.

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Posted in Boundaries, Main Page | Tagged boundary, dialogue, fault, feelings, mirroring, passivity, share | 2 Replies

Mine or Yours or ?

Al Turtle's Relationship Wisdom Posted on April 21, 2008 by Al TurtleSeptember 25, 2012 2

I have been asked recently by people who are reading my papers on boundaries how to decide if something is mine or my partner's or what?? I was writing a response, and decided I'd better post it for everyone.

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Posted in Boundaries | Tagged boundary, dialogue, feelings, make sense, point of view, pulling, share | 2 Replies

Feelings and Emotions: The Essay, Part Four, Appropriate Expression

Al Turtle's Relationship Wisdom Posted on January 22, 2008 by Al TurtleOctober 17, 2017 7

This is the last part of my essay on Feelings and Emotions. I am going to be speaking about “expression.” Now, lack of emotional expression, I believe, causes huge confusion in relationships and and will shorten your life. But, incorrect expression causes lots and lots of trouble, too. My goal is to focus on what I call “Appropriate Expression.” Many groups and cultures have strong rules about the “correct” way to express or hold in emotions. What I am going to write may seem to go against many of those rules – may seem critical of them. I do not choose to set myself up in that judgmental position. I simply want to share what I have learned.

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Posted in Diversity, Feelings and Emotions, Reliable Membership | Tagged dialogue, essay, fault, feelings, make sense, master-slave, mastertalk, mirroring, passivity, pulling, safety, share, trust, validation | 7 Replies

The Power of Passivity: The Essay

Al Turtle's Relationship Wisdom Posted on April 28, 2007 by Al TurtleJune 16, 2019 6

This is a paper about the problem of "victimicity." It is Part 2 of my work on Master/Slave and Autonomy. You may want to read it with some caution, particularly because, based on feedback, this seems to be almost "graduate level" relationship material. It seems you really must be prepared to read it. Please be patient with me, and with yourselves. More material was added 7/5/07. I am sure there will still be minor changes and additions – and one last bit.

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Posted in Autonomy, Diversity, Reliable Membership | Tagged boundary, codependency, codependent, dialogue, essay, fault, feelings, make sense, master-slave, mastertalk, mirroring, passivity, peace, point of view, pulling, safety, share, trust, validation | 6 Replies

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