HomeMain PageRelationshipsSkillsBoundariesMine or Yours or ?


Mine or Yours or ? — 2 Comments

  1. Hi Di,
    Yep, I think it is all about boundaries. And so let's look at that.
    Of course, his body belongs to him. The boundary rule is clear. Yet, you two have a relationship, a bond, that makes you a part owner in his body as he is in yours. If you walk away, or he does, he can do whatever he wants. But as long as you are together, there should be lots of dialogue about this. Sounds as if he is damaging, risking, your property a bit.
    What concerns me more is the idea that you discussed it with him, he heard your concern, makes a vague commitment and doesn't keep it. This is the major stuff of betrayal and secrecy. That needs a whole lot more of dialogue. I am concerned that much more is going on than the spots on his body. Sounds like time to chat!
    Good luck, Al

  2. Hi Al,
    I'm thinking that my question has to do with boundaries, but I'm not sure. We live in Australia and my dh has a history of having small skin cancers. Many Australians are similar and you often see people with small dents on their face where skin cancers have been removed.
    As you might know skin cancers can be benign or can turn rapidly into a melanoma which can be deadly. The only way to know which type a mole is, is to have it examined by a doctor.
    My dh has a very worrying one on his cheek, and a very large mole on his back both are growing quickly, and are very rough (both signs that they could be cancerous). My dh has said that he will go in and get them checked, but he never makes the appointment.
    At the beginning of the year he claimed that he would go, but still hasn't. I've tried asking politely, nagging (sorry), and going to him in practically tears telling him how worried I am about the chance he is taking. Each time he says, yep I'll make the appointment tomorrow but he never does.
    I can think of several reason why he would put this off: fear of a bad prognosis, hating the treatment for taking off the moles (it's kind of painful), and legitimately being very, very busy at his work.
    So, what should I do? I'm very afraid for his health, and if it is a bad cancer he could die. I realize that guys hate to go to the doctor, but this is really worrying me. We are both in our mid-40's.
    Any suggestions would be appreciated.

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