When two people come together, they have a choice: to move toward Peace or to move toward War. The choices and the actions/habits that go with them are clear when one studies couples who are successful at bringing lasting Peace and those who are not. (Sadly, most people I meet chose war!) What do you chose? Here's my essay on this situation.
I can think of nothing as important as getting to be, and staying, Dialogical. It makes possible solutions to all the relationship troubles. This is the list of one line reminders that I have used over the past 15 years to remind me of "a better way of getting along." I often have had a piece of paper with one of these phrases on my wall (sometimes many walls) at home or in my office where I can see it every day. These are learning tools.
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In many ways, I am a slow learner. I have used many white sheets of paper with a saying on it. I posted these on the walls at my home and at my office, to keep reminding me over and over until my thick brain “get’s it.” Here are a bunch of them.
Continue reading →How about it? Want to learn to be empathic? Want to know when you aren't? Want to improve? I believe that more and more people will be talking about the “need for more empathy.” I believe that the primary cause of conflict in our families, our partnerships, our business, our marriages, our political communities, our churches, and in the world, is a pronounced lack of reliable empathic skills.
Prompted by a friend on an online forum (MarriageAdvocates) I decided to share my view of Affairs. You might call this a Lizard view of Affairs. (This is not beginner material.)
I wrote this in August 2010 in response to the postings of some friends in Marriage Advocates, directly on this topic. There are several life events that bring this drive toward Purpose in Life to the surface: a close-brush-with-death is good, retirement or closing-of-a-job in men, children-leaving-home in women are a few examples. In many writings this is called a midlife- or an identity-crisis. Whatever, we have to deal with it.
Continue reading →My friend, Scott Dodson, spent years reading and absorbing all the stuff I teach. The "method in his madness" was to write a marvelous fantasy book: kind of a "Harry Potter" meets Relationships. Alfred, the Turtle, not only is central, but seems to be able to fly! At least on the cover.
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This was a story I heard read aloud at Christmas time at my primary school. As I read it today, I can still hear the deep voice of Mr. Caswell, the principle. It affected me greatly and shifted my life for the better.
Continue reading →I was asked recently the simple question, "What's the big deal about Validation? Why is it so sought after?" This is what came to mind.
Continue reading →A short essay on the new phenomenon of Living Alone. Seems that this is preferable to being in a relationship where you feel alone. If your partner feels alone, what can you do to change this and prevent it? What can you do to not feel alone yourself? What can you do to impress a new acquaintance that they won't have to feel alone – with you?
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