Dear Turtle, (May 8th, 2005)
"Dear Turtle, My question is – how possible is it to change one's response to fear – say from FIGHT to FLEE?"
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Feelings and Emotions: The Essay, Part Two (FEAR, ANGER, GRIEF, JOY)
Now, I want to address the four prime emotions of fear, anger, grief and joy. Why only four? Well, these are the ones that give most people lots of trouble, both in having them, dealing with them and communicating about them. I will address one at a time, starting with FEAR.
Caring Days: The Skill
One important issue that all couples face is making things fair and keeping them that way. I believe things are fair when two people both believe they are fair. When either thinks it's not fair, then it isn't. Takes only one for unfairness, and it takes two for it to be fair.
Continue reading →Feelings and Emotions: The Essay, Part One
So many time I have found it useful to have learned about emotions. I was not taught any of this when I was kid. My Masters paper was written upon Anger: A Resource Paper for Teachers. If you are confused about the role of emotions in your life, here we go with all the answers.
About the Safety Presentation – “The Lizard”
This is actually a fairly old presentation. Sandra and I found it so valuable for ourselves that we have been giving to all couples for many years. We decided that “making friends” with our internal safety mechanism was a very useful idea. Sandra was the one who first called this reptilian brain function, the Lizard.
Continue reading →Use an alternative to “I don’t know.”
People use the phrase �I don�t know� so often that I finally shared an alternative. We don�t live life based on what we know. I think often we know very little, but that doesn�t stop us from going on. Why should it stop conversation?
Continue reading →Story: Are you trying to love and not getting anywhere?
I learn a lot from the men in my mens group. We talk of safety and validation all the time. Here is a story about wasting your energy on the wrong stuff – loving in a way that doesn't work.
Continue reading →Being Dialogical: Sharing
I want share my beliefs that being “dialogical” very much involves choices of what to share, when to share it, and acute clarity about boundaries. One choice is the “to share or not to share” choice. Another is the “when to share and when not to share” choice. And another is the “how to share” choice.
Continue reading →Boundaries for Individuals: The Essay
This is my paper on Boundaries for Individuals. This is everything I think a person needs to know about setting up and maintaining their differences when someone else is around. It contains all my thinking on personal boundaries. Enjoy.
How much should you tell?
This discusses a great and eroding problem within a relationship: keeping silent, keeping secrets.
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