I got this question, recently. Apparently in my Map of Relationships I have not described it enough. I guess I just referred to it as a "place" that people, all people want to go to. Well, ok, I'll share some thoughts on it.
Continue reading →So many times I've heard the phrase, "he/she did that out of the blue." I love the phrase. It seems so colorful. And also many people write me, and read my thoughts, about what to do when he/she leaves. Put these two issues together and I give you this article.
Continue reading →Written: Aug 4th, 2009. “I stumbled upon you site after googling resentment! After years of an emotional roller coaster marriage…things are finally making sense!”
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The first most important skill in any relationship is about how to create a tone of safety – how to reliably lower each other's blood pressure. This paper is the background.
The Goal Of Communication in Relationships is that both persons feel understood frequently, and always when the subject is important to one or the other.
(I wrote this some years ago. See how all the ideas on my website are worked into it.)
Here we are, about to head off on another vacation, and I promised that I would write down how we manage keeping it so much fun.
Continue reading →If you have been following my work through Part One: Master/Slave and Part Two: Power of Passivity, then this may be your next stop. I decided to share my path down a bit deeper into the basement. Be warned! The steps down here may be tippy.
Continue reading →This is the last part of my essay on Feelings and Emotions. I am going to be speaking about “expression.” Now, lack of emotional expression, I believe, causes huge confusion in relationships and and will shorten your life. But, incorrect expression causes lots and lots of trouble, too. My goal is to focus on what I call “Appropriate Expression.” Many groups and cultures have strong rules about the “correct” way to express or hold in emotions. What I am going to write may seem to go against many of those rules – may seem critical of them. I do not choose to set myself up in that judgmental position. I simply want to share what I have learned.
A recent letter sparked me to thinking about how I handle this tough situation. I have been using this all purpose skill for a dozen years, recommending it to my clients. Some use it. Some don’t. Sometimes it makes things “better.” Sometimes it seems to make things “worse.” Life is like that. Take a-look.
Continue reading →This is part of the set of problems I’ve found in connecting reliably to another person. In it I am looking mostly at the situation from the point of view of the clinging or more needy partner. Heck, that was me. And it is a bit of history. I wrote this about 8 years ago as I was figuring out the problem of, and solution to, Reliable Membership.
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