Dear Turtle, (May 8th, 2005)
"Dear Turtle, My question is – how possible is it to change one's response to fear – say from FIGHT to FLEE?"
Continue reading →Tag Archives: feelings
Labeling the Worms
Whenever I think I know what someone else “should” do I remember this story.
Continue reading →Feelings and Emotions: The Essay, Part Two (FEAR, ANGER, GRIEF, JOY)
Now, I want to address the four prime emotions of fear, anger, grief and joy. Why only four? Well, these are the ones that give most people lots of trouble, both in having them, dealing with them and communicating about them. I will address one at a time, starting with FEAR.
Caring Days: The Skill
One important issue that all couples face is making things fair and keeping them that way. I believe things are fair when two people both believe they are fair. When either thinks it's not fair, then it isn't. Takes only one for unfairness, and it takes two for it to be fair.
Continue reading →“We haven’t had a fight since we got married,” Eh? Oh-oh.
“When I do premarital and marital counseling, I always have a sinking feeling when couples proudly affirm that they have never had a fight.”
Continue reading →Feelings and Emotions: The Essay, Part One
So many time I have found it useful to have learned about emotions. I was not taught any of this when I was kid. My Masters paper was written upon Anger: A Resource Paper for Teachers. If you are confused about the role of emotions in your life, here we go with all the answers.
Avoid Saying “Feel like” or “Feel that”
One of my pet peeves is poor usage of words when talking about feelings. Feelings are events in our bodies, usually chemical in nature and thus have intensity ? stronger or weaker. Thoughts are symbol events in our brains that either occur or dont.
Continue reading →Story: Are you trying to love and not getting anywhere?
I learn a lot from the men in my mens group. We talk of safety and validation all the time. Here is a story about wasting your energy on the wrong stuff – loving in a way that doesn't work.
Continue reading →TimeOuts: The Skill
A TimeOut is a relational tool and is an essential skill for any intimate relationship. Its purpose is to remove pressure from the relationship. Use a TimeOut whenever you feel overwhelmed, pressed, chased, pursued, cornered, etc.
Continue reading →Excellent Boundaries
Several years ago, I was asked during a class, “How do you know that you have a great relationship?” I found myself mentioning four attributes – one was “excellent boundaries.” Someone then asked, “How would you recognize excellent boundaries? What are their indicators?” I thought about that for several weeks. I came up with a list. I have found this list quite provocative.
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