FOR INSPIRATION, TRY THIS! This sort of thing doesn't come often to an old therapist, but it is welcome. Here's an ex-client who, I think, got it. “You can either be in Relationship or Right. You can either Validate or be Right. You can either be Empathic or be Right. Take your pick.” Thanks to you, friend.
Continue reading →For years I have been teaching and “thinking” about Feelings. I have been teaching what I call , the Four Prime Feelings for years: Fear, Anger, Sorrow, and Joy. But more and more I have become aware of a set of feelings that are very important and which are not usually called emotions. I think they are.
Continue reading →A couple of days ago I got a note from a friend letting me in on her delight sharing the posters I have. Probably half a dozen times I have heard from people who used this method of learning the “wisdom” that I am passing on to you all.
Continue reading →People still ask me, How much should I tell my partner? This paper and chart have had quite an impact on people. In some cases it has been "life changing" after one reading. That has surprised and pleased me.
Continue reading →I got this question, recently. Apparently in my Map of Relationships I have not described it enough. I guess I just referred to it as a "place" that people, all people want to go to. Well, ok, I'll share some thoughts on it.
Continue reading →So many times I've heard the phrase, "he/she did that out of the blue." I love the phrase. It seems so colorful. And also many people write me, and read my thoughts, about what to do when he/she leaves. Put these two issues together and I give you this article.
Continue reading →Recently I gave a 3–hour presentation at a conference on Domestic Violence. The title was "Remediating Bullies and Their Makers: A different look at Domestic Violence." Here is the background and one of the Powerpoint presentations.
Continue reading →When someone says, “I’m hurt” or “That upsets me,” or “I'm anxious,” what is a useful response? I find this is a central problem in the common co-dependency I see. Here are some ideas and links to deeper understanding.
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The first most important skill in any relationship is about how to create a tone of safety – how to reliably lower each other's blood pressure. This paper is the background.
I believe that everyone needs a three-drawer tool box. Each drawer represents different tools or skills needed in life.
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