This is actually a fairly old presentation. Sandra and I found it so valuable for ourselves that we have been giving to all couples for many years. We decided that “making friends” with our internal safety mechanism was a very useful idea. Sandra was the one who first called this reptilian brain function, the Lizard.
Continue reading →People use the phrase �I don�t know� so often that I finally shared an alternative. We don�t live life based on what we know. I think often we know very little, but that doesn�t stop us from going on. Why should it stop conversation?
Continue reading →A TimeOut is a relational tool and is an essential skill for any intimate relationship. Its purpose is to remove pressure from the relationship. Use a TimeOut whenever you feel overwhelmed, pressed, chased, pursued, cornered, etc.
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Everyone has problems. Problems are situations that cause you distress – frustration. I think a problem is avoided when you do not experience the situation any more. I believe a problem is solved when the situation occurs, and you no longer get upset or frustrated. A couple will have between them almost twice as many problems as an individual. I guess you might as well learn how to solve problems. Get going.
Several years ago, I was asked during a class, “How do you know that you have a great relationship?” I found myself mentioning four attributes – one was “excellent boundaries.” Someone then asked, “How would you recognize excellent boundaries? What are their indicators?” I thought about that for several weeks. I came up with a list. I have found this list quite provocative.
Continue reading →I want share my beliefs that being “dialogical” very much involves choices of what to share, when to share it, and acute clarity about boundaries. One choice is the “to share or not to share” choice. Another is the “when to share and when not to share” choice. And another is the “how to share” choice.
Continue reading →This is a way of scoring to see if you were experiencing dialogue or just normal chaotic conversation.
Continue reading →This is my paper on Boundaries for Individuals. This is everything I think a person needs to know about setting up and maintaining their differences when someone else is around. It contains all my thinking on personal boundaries. Enjoy.
Summary: This paper covers the two ways that people can come together and share (or not) their different views of reality. Relating via Master/Slave is only functional in certain situations: where efficiency is needed as in business, where property ownership is involved, in emergencies. Relating via Friend/Friend is normal during courtship. Master/Slave, commonly used in intimate relationships or families, is dysfunctional. Learn the critical skills of Friend/Friend to end argument and prevent fighting. This is the first of three parts on Autonomy.
This is the lesson I teach every person I see. This is critical information for people who are puzzled, bothered, or upset when they find they disagree or that others disagree with them.
These concepts are vital to the practice of Dialogue and Communologue.
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