After many years of working with couples, I have come to this conclusion. Marriage, or an intimate partnership, takes two people. It takes both to decide to divorce and carry it through. But it takes only one of them to lead the way into a great relationship.
Continue reading →Hey, I know you can see things that your partner could improve. The longer you live with someone, the more you can see their potential – which is the flip side of saying “their shortcomings.”
The question is, what do you do with this information?
Whenever I think I know what someone else “should” do I remember this story.
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Summary: This paper covers the two ways that people can come together and share (or not) their different views of reality. Relating via Master/Slave is only functional in certain situations: where efficiency is needed as in business, where property ownership is involved, in emergencies. Relating via Friend/Friend is normal during courtship. Master/Slave, commonly used in intimate relationships or families, is dysfunctional. Learn the critical skills of Friend/Friend to end argument and prevent fighting. This is the first of three parts on Autonomy.
This paper discusses the issue of Resentment that from time to time becomes an important issue in couples or between groups of people. It includes suggestions on how to remove the resentment. I believe this cannot be done, passively, by waiting. Resentment does not seem to go away by letting time pass. I believe resentment only goes away via the use of validation, and dialogue.
I believe all humans require reliable connection with other humans. I see this as the principle drive that moves us, and holds us, together in partnership. At any given time one partner will probably need more and one will probably need less connection. Managing this becomes a challenge and sometimes an enormous stumbling block. Here are the principles and the solutions.
The Importance of the Skills of Being a Source of Safety to your Partner, Friends and Enemies. I have found …
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