This is a paper about the problem of "victimicity." It is Part 2 of my work on Master/Slave and Autonomy. You may want to read it with some caution, particularly because, based on feedback, this seems to be almost "graduate level" relationship material. It seems you really must be prepared to read it. Please be patient with me, and with yourselves. More material was added 7/5/07. I am sure there will still be minor changes and additions – and one last bit.
Here is the Master/Slave Lecture AudioFile. FREE DOWNLOAD The Master/Slave chart is here. The Master/Slave Essay is here.
Continue reading →This paper is an excerpt from my essay on SAFETY, The Lizard. It describes tactics for “making your partner feel safe.”
Continue reading →I am now going to shift directions. The following essay arises out of years of studying Wilhelm Reich,MD and his followers, the general field of body therapy and the specifics of what is often called Energetics. To me, this is the study of energy – human energy. As I refer to energy, I am talking about that which makes us go and that which we lose when we die. It is very much a body-thing.
I believe that Frustrations are the critical element to making progress in a Relationship. Healing Frustrations is the key. I call it the ?ratchet? process because , like a ratchet wrench, it makes things move forward and you can?t back up. The following essay contains what I see as the background for dealing with frustrations. It clears up a lot of misunderstandings and can help you stop wasting time and energy in doing things that do not work.
This is a chart that goes with the Healing Frustrations essay. I share this with anyone in a group or in my office who is trying to understand how to approach Frustrations.
Continue reading →Even as I began to understand about boundaries for individuals, I was still stunned by what wildness happens in a committed couple. People keep telling me that they can get along with anyone except their partner at home. I frequently watch professionally competent couples act like little, tantrum-throwing, children in my office. What are the boundary issues that make the experiences of couples, or an intimate relationships, so powerful? This paper covers what I have learned going on.
Now, I want to address the four prime emotions of fear, anger, grief and joy. Why only four? Well, these are the ones that give most people lots of trouble, both in having them, dealing with them and communicating about them. I will address one at a time, starting with FEAR.
So many time I have found it useful to have learned about emotions. I was not taught any of this when I was kid. My Masters paper was written upon Anger: A Resource Paper for Teachers. If you are confused about the role of emotions in your life, here we go with all the answers.
Everyone has problems. Problems are situations that cause you distress – frustration. I think a problem is avoided when you do not experience the situation any more. I believe a problem is solved when the situation occurs, and you no longer get upset or frustrated. A couple will have between them almost twice as many problems as an individual. I guess you might as well learn how to solve problems. Get going.