One Liners that have helped me stay Dialogical

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© Al Turtle 2005

For an Introduction in audio, click here.

While these are all here (and I’ll add more as I note them), don’t expect to simply read through this list and get more than an overview.  Some took me over 5 years of pondering in order to grasp their significance.  Now, they are simply reminders.  I suggest that if you are bothered by one or just don’t agree, that you take that one on as something to study.  Check out my article on Excellent Boundaries.

  1. All people make sense all the time.
  2. My idea plus a $1 gets me a cup of coffee.
  3. No one can make anyone do anything.
  4. All people are chronically disobedient… Learn to live with it.
  5. No one can make anyone feel anything.
  6. All feelings are valid.
  7. All people are doing their best at any given moment.
  8. Words have no meaning.  People have meaning. People use words.
  9. If two people are agreeing, at least one of them is lying.
  10. Agreement is really always a delusion – at some level.

For an audio discussion of these first 10 Oneliners, click here.

  1. There are no bullies when you are alone.  But when two people are arguing, there are two bullies present.
  2. Love is like math, it takes practice.
  3. Falling in love is an invitation to the brilliance of being fully alive.
  4. The word “should” means there is a belief system present, and someone is trying to push it on someone else. It’s a rule.
  5. All people require adequate, reliable, and not excessive connection with other humans.
  6. Hermits are not born. Hermits are people who need friends, but who’s history of friends is awful.
  7. “Feel that..” and “feel like..” are not about feelings.  They are really thoughts.
  8. A person knows nothing,.  But a person does believe, think, imagine, make up, recall, remember, and guess a lot.
  9. Never say, “I don’t know.”  Share your guesses.
  10. When you drive up to an intersection and don’t “know” which way to turn, you turn anyway.

For an audio discussion of the second 10 Oneliners, click here.

  1. Safety first. Connection second. Thoughts and ideas third.
  2. Who can tell whether this is good or bad luck?
  3. Shake it off, stomp it down, and rise to the next level.
  4. All humans are geniuses — at something.
  5. All humans are equal before God.  All humans make mistakes.
  6. If you fell in love, you share the same level of IQ.
  7. If you fell in love, you share the same level of dysfunction – equally nuts!
  8. If you fell in love, you share the same level of desire for being fully alive together.
  9. You’ll never get love by chasing a lizard.
  10. Give your partner space, so they won’t need it.

For an audio discussion of Oneliners 21–30, click here.

  1. All humans are valid before they open their mouths.
  2. Listening to a human speak is like looking in on their validity.
  3. Pushing and persuading is a form of invalidation.
  4. Divorce that old relationship. Don’t divorce your partner.
  5. Fighting in a marriage or relationship is really “hurting ‘em till they love you.”  It never works.
  6. Interruptions are a kind of slap to the soul.
  7. It isn’t what you intend that counts.  It is all about how you come across.
  8. Would you rather hear your partner’s thoughts or have them keep secrets from you? Take your pick.
  9. Learn to take delight in other people’s differences.
  10. Choose Door #1 or Door #2 or Door #3.  Vintage Love, Giving Up, Divorce.

For an audio discussion of Oneliners 31–40, click here.

  1. There’s only one reason for lying — it’s not safe to tell the truth.
  2. There’s only one reason for silence – it’s not safe to talk.
  3. Resentment is a memory of past invalidation. Heal it with validation.
  4. Competitors are killers.  They are trying to make their partner into a loser.
  5. History is a safety net, based on the idea that on some day someone really knew what was going on, and history is used to keep us from falling into the mystery of life.
  6. A relationship is a participative mystique – we are all involved, but no one knows what is really going on.
  7. Anger serves to raise your energy to push through a block. Grief is there to help you adjust your body to loss.
  8. You’ll either have a nice day today or learn a lesson.
  9. When in pain, increase your learning speed to maximum. It shortens the pain.
  10. It takes one to make a marriage; two to make a divorce.

For an audio discussion of Oneliners 41–50, click here.

  1. All boundary skills are defensive – never offensive.
  2. All conversation can proceed at the maximum speed of the slowest person present.
  3. You can either be “right” or in “relationship”. Take your pick.
  4. Walking into a desert does not make one want to dance.  (Sara B.)
  5. Up to age 8 you are entitled to everything.  After that, you are lucky to get oxygen. Adults are not entitled to anything. Learn to earn what you want.
  6. An idea might be a good one, even if your father came up with it.
  7. Patience is a trait of adults. Impatience makes you appear childish.
  8. “Oh, you think I made a mistake?  That is probably at least the 23rd mistake in this hour.”
  9. There is a short way that becomes the long way, and a long way that becomes the short way.
  10. “I don’t know how to say this right. Let me say it wrong and then let’s clean it up afterwards.”

For an audio discussion of Oneliners 51–60, click here.

  1. Definition of a Lie: “To knowingly leave someone in a state of misunderstanding about something you believe is important to them.” This covers active lying (stating a falsehood), and passive lying (the omitting of critical information).
  2. Avoiders/Isolators see Contact as Conflict.
  3. For peace of mind, I suggest you resign as general manager of the universe.
  4. A traffic red light is a chance to practice patience.
  5. “In relationships there are no victims, only volunteers.”  (Alcoholics Anonymous, 12–Step)
  6. You are either in “fear” or in “self-responsibility.”
  7. Don’t ignore the past. It is the place where we keep who we were and who we’ve grown up from.
  8. Guilt is time travel. It is putting today’s wisdom into yesterday’s event – a time at which you only had yesterday’s wisdom.
  9. “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”  George Santayana
  10. One side of the coin is “Guilt.” The other side of the same coin is “Improvement.” Anyone can have a birthday. Instead, how about having a party when you improve.
  11. Being single is just a short time between relationships.
  12. When you hug your lover, occasionally look over their shoulder at the price tag.
  13. When you hear of someone doing something awful, isn’t it about time we looked into the factories.
  14. Get the benefits of divorce while you are living together.
  15. Love and Threat can never coexist.  Never!  Stop trying to earn love while using or encouraging threat.
  16. The only one who will keep you away from your last Imago Match, is the next one.
  17. Take two TimeOuts, and call me in the morning.
  18. What is madness but nobility of soul at odds with circumstance.
  19. Shake if off, stomp it down, and rise to the next level.
  20. An enemy is someone whose story you have not heard. (Proverb)
  21. Your stuff is never my fault. And I care about you. So how can I help you with your stuff?
  22. The way you see it is never the way it is.  Your truth is never The Truth.
  23. “What do you do, if they won’t understand you?”  “Understand them.”

For an audio discussion of Oneliners 60–82, click here.

 


Comments

One Liners that have helped me stay Dialogical — 1 Comment

  1. Hi Al

    Serendipity, random chance, irony, a greater power…….a smile on my face.

    This was put out there 1 year ago tomorrow on the day of my 50th birthday a day when my ex called me out of the blue, traveled down to Brighton where I had ensconced myself in true hermit fashion, and walked back into my life after a particularly hard time.

    We had I think a wonderful few weeks afterward though sadly I guess I was still not listening and learning at the time. I picked this as a bit of beach reading to prompt me to think and reflect on the many articles I have been absorbing…….

    Mysterious ways or perhaps no 78 on the list above

    Best wishes
    David

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