HomeMain PageRelationship Posters for the Wall


Relationship Posters for the Wall — 6 Comments

  1. The core concept is PreValidation and Validation as found in the article on Diversity. I also mentioned it in my Glossary under Guilt – a silly kind of fear that someone is going to punish you for being human and for learning. Guilt is based on time travel. It is putting today’s wisdom into yesterday’s event. “ Yesterday, I should have known what I have now learned.” I suggest you celebrate the new learning and discard the fear.
    The bottom line is that when I judge myself or anyone as failing, I am using a set of standards/principles, etc, that were not used by the person who did the thing at the time they did it. At Time A, I did something based on what I knew at that time. At Time B, I reflect on that action based on what I know at Time B which is not the same at what I knew at Time A. I have learn something, I have changed my “mind” and that is why I judge my behavior at Time A.
    I think it better to remember that “All people are doing their best at all times,”< .a> even me.
    Hope this helps.

  2. Al,
    Can you tell me which of your articles frames poster #13 (Every time I think I fail, it’s just standards that are wrong. I’m trying to remember this)? I think I have internalized this concept pretty effectively, and I am attempting to communicate it to some friends and stumbling a bit. I believe that if I can point them to the source material, it would make it easier for them to digest.
    Thanks in advance!

  3. Al, forgot to thank you for taking time talking to me on the phone yesterday.
    You helped cheer up my day.
    Blessings to you,

  4. I, too, have enjoyed how these posters generate family discussion and often growth. I recall a couple around Xmas time putting up several posters on their refrigerator for the season. Told me later that the whole family came together more because of those posters than because of the gifts under the trees! Wow.
    You might try saying, “Oh, I care. I care. I just want to remind myself of clear boundaries and responsilities. While I am not the cause of your feelings, I sure would like to help you with any feelings you choose to have that are distressing to you/ Can I help?”

  5. Al, These posters are great. I put up the one about not being responsible for someone elses feelings. I'm trying to get that in my heart.
    But the poster sure got a response from my family, lots of comments about how wrong the poster is and that that is the problem that I don't care how others feel. Of course I tried to assure them that I care very much what they feel.
    Keep up the good work.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.