Making Amends — 10 Comments

  1. Will this work if my husband has told me he is leaving? I am going to follow your four steps ( does sending a text informing of an upcoming event for the children count as my one communication for the week?) We’ve been married over nine years and I am for sure the clinger. We’ve made it thru some pretty rocky times and recently our relationship went down hill, I thought we were getting close to a reconciliation but I awoke to a text this morning saying it was over. I of course bombarded him with texts today. How long should I wait before I tell him I want to make amends?

    • Well, Rose, I think this (Making Amends) is better by far than simply saying “I’m sorry.” If you are trying to recover connection with a departing spouse, then those little four sentence emails seem best. One sentence about the kids’ event would be good. Bombarding him with texts seems a good idea only if your goal is to drive him away 🙂
      I would wait till he shows signs of turning around, stopping the leaving behavior, before asking him anything much at all. You can slip into Making Amends, parts of it, in your short and occasional messages. Good luck.

  2. Thanks. This process worked very well for both of us. It felt more complete than just “owning” something. I can see how it can potentially reprogram old patterns. Amends is a great word b/c to me it feels more connecting.

    Afterward I shared that I learned this from your site and now he can understand and apply the process too.

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