Stop Domestic Violence: Look, domestic violence is nothing more that the behavior of a bully or bullies who grew up learning that tantrums get you what you want. It is nothing more than the action of a person who is “in control of themselves” doing what they were taught or encouraged to do, over and over as they grew up. And it is a hard habit or learning to stop – just like any other habit that works sometimes. It will taper off or stop when that behavior clearly no longer works.
If you are the one who get's violent, you need a bunch of new training. You need a community that helps you with it, by not letting you get dangerously violent, by not letting it work for you, and by giving you something new to do that does work. Get it.
If you are the partner of a violent person, you have a lot of work ahead of you too. You've got to help your partner get over those years and years of training that violence was “ok.” That's a lot of work. I bet you will need a whole bunch of help. Get it. Don't wait.
And for a starting place, I want to share that I believe arguing is the verbal form of domestic violence. And so both of you need to learn to stop arguing and just get rid of that behavior. It may be hard, but find some people who know how not to argue. Learn from them. If you are arguing, you still have more to learn. Fortunately it only takes one of you to stop all arguments.
I have seen thousands of couples, and helping people make better marriages is a joy to me. (Learn more about me and my wife, Sandra.)
You might start by going to my Main Page to get an idea of this website. I've also created a page of One-Liners that have helped me and that I share. You can get explanations for those ideas by clicking on them. You might want to start with the page I created to guide people at this site. You might want to jump right in to learning what is going on in marriages and what to do. Or perhaps you want a specific answer to a specific problem. Try searching the site or look at my page on solving problems.
When in doubt, email me, Al Turtle. I will try to direct you.
As a gift, I want you to get the marriage of your dreams and I believe that
“It takes one to make a marriage and two to make a divorce. ”
So go for it?