The Lizard is actually a fairly old presentation. Sandra and I found it so valuable for ourselves that we have been giving to all couples for many years. We decided that “making friends” with our internal safety mechanism was a very useful idea. Sandra was the one who first called this reptilian brain function, “the Lizard”. The name caught on, and we've used it for years, chatting about how each other's Lizard is feeling at this point in time. Many years ago I committed to making myself into a “source of safety to her Lizard.” That decision, that commitment, turned out to be extremely valuable and wise.
The way I have come to see it is that each human has a little co-resident being, one that lives inside of them. It's primary job is helping them survive. It is quick, jumps to scary conclusions easily, is fairly easy to confuse and mislead, and as a part of the body is all powerful. While it quickly reacts ( a quarter of a second to full defensiveness), it calms down quite slowly, taking typically more than 20 minutes to relax.
So the principle is that each of us needs to learn how to take care of this little guy (Sandra says they are all male) so that he will let us enjoy our lives. And I think we need to develop the habit and skills of helping those around us take care of their Lizards. Click here.
You know a person is experiencing safety when they are
Relaxed, Playing, Silly, Glowingly romantic or loving, Generously Caring, Enjoying some work or hobby.
Remake yourself into a Source of Safety to your partner, your children, your friends.
You know a person is experiencing unsafety when they are tense, pulling or running away, avoiding, isolating, keeping quiet, laying low, asking lots of questions, giving in, resenting, pursuing, interrogating, arguing,
Being a Source of Unsafety or Threat to those around you is a very poor retirement program. You are earning an old age – alone and disliked by your friends and children. I suggest you wake up.