Al Turtle's Relationship Wisdom

Welcome

Al Turtle — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 12:57:00 -0700

I hope you are looking for a great relationship for yourself, the skills to get along well with anyone, and ways to make the world a better place. If you have, I’ve got ideas to share with you. Here are some topics:

Building and Rebuildling Trust?

Boundary Skills?

Boundaries in a Relationship?

How to Use this Website?

Which Essays are Popular? (Updated October 1st, 2011)

Al Turtle — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 12:56:00 -0700

People are taking the time to read, download, and hand out my articles - over 100,000 readers in the last year read half a million articles. This is pretty powerful stuff, and I am very gratified that so many are valuing it. My deep goal is, of course, to get to the children. "Happier couples raise healthier kids." And this advice works with any kind of relationship. With your help the world is a little better, a little more connected, than when we found it. Thanks.

Where do you start? What goes first?

Al Turtle — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 18:56:00 -0700

I often get asked this, and fortunately for me the answer is clear. But let's state the question more clearly. If I am in a couple, a relationship, what do I/we focus on first, second, third, etc. to make things better. Ok, here we go. The answer arises from two different major principles: the Anna Karenina Principle and the Biological Dream.

One Liners that have helped me stay Dialogical

Al Turtle — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 16:58:00 -0700

I can think of nothing as important as getting to be, and staying, Dialogical. It makes possible solutions to all the relationship troubles. This is the list of one line reminders that I have used over the past 15 years to remind me of "a better way of getting along." I often have had a piece of paper with one of these phrases on my wall (sometimes many walls) at home or in my office where I can see it every day. These are learning tools.

Relationship Posters for the Wall

Al Turtle — Sun, 02 Oct 2011 15:26:00 -0700

In many ways, I am a slow learner. I have used many white sheets of paper with a saying on it. I posted these on the walls at my home and at my office, to keep reminding me over and over until my thick brain “get’s it.” Here are a bunch of them.

Triage: Seeing trouble in Relationships Around You

Al Turtle — Sat, 09 Jul 2011 09:14:00 -0700

I am beginning to use the word Triage to apply to the question, "How much should I get involved? How much energy is it wise to expend on this person? / this couple?"

Why to Learn Validation?

Al Turtle — Sat, 04 Jun 2011 09:54:00 -0700

I was asked recently the simple question, "What's the big deal about Validation? Why is it so sought after?" This is what came to mind.

Affairs and How I Approach the Topic

Al Turtle — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 14:55:00 -0800

Prompted by a friend on an online forum (MarriageAdvocates) I decided to share my view of Affairs. You might call this a Lizard view of Affairs. (This is not beginner material.)

Where are you? What type of Relationship do you Have?

Al Turtle — Wed, 13 Oct 2010 09:59:00 -0700

A fun article with labels ( numbers ) for the different types of relationships. Tis all based on my Map of Relationships and experience. Take this as seriously as you choose.

What to do when He/She Leaves?

Al Turtle — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 10:07:00 -0700

People frequently come to me with this problem. Some years ago I came up with an answer and have not felt the need to change it. It works. Follow the four steps.

Talk to the Turtle

Al Turtle — Thu, 30 Sep 2010 11:31:00 -0700

While many are reading my articles, more and more want to personally ask questions. They clearly want to have me share specifics of how to adapt the principles and skills I have found to their situation. Ok. Sounds good. I am making myself available by phone.

Points of View

Al Turtle — Fri, 17 Sep 2010 17:11:00 -0700

Relationship confusion. Though I have written many times about this topic, I still find it the hardest for people to grasp. And in all my experience of relating, in starting a relationship, recovering one, maintain a high reliable quality of connection, this is the most important. Here is another attempt to make the relational situation clearer. [I've also been reminded that this is Advanced Relationship material - not for beginners.]

Class on Emotionally Abusive Behavior

Al Turtle — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 16:14:00 -0700

Here is the class I use to distinguish between the communication habits the lead to strive, struggle and distress and those that lead to peaceful coexistence.

Class on Mirroring

Al Turtle — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 16:07:00 -0700

Here's the class that I use to teach mirroring. I teach every couple or individual using this class. It has all the critical points. Enjoy.

How to Use this Website

Al Turtle — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 07:17:00 -0700

If you have arrived here interested in getting a wonderful partnership, or interested in how to do better, or interested in saving your marriage or that of friends, parents or children, or just interested in specifics of how peaceful partnerships work, you have arrived at a right place.

And all this is free for the reading. What can you loose? My good wishes to you all. Go 4 It!

Books I Read

Al Turtle — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 06:13:00 -0700

I have received requests to list books that have been, and are, important to me in developing my thinking. Here I will organize that list, and link them to Amazon.com, so that you can get them. This list will grow as I think of them. I am just listing the ones that have been repeatably, and durably, “hot” for me. Enjoy!

Using Al Turtle Logic on Relationship Troubles

Al Turtle — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 05:32:00 -0700

How to approach relationship challenges? Tis all about applying knowledge of the Biological Dream and learning those skills. Tis all about knowing where you currently are on the Map of Relationships. Here are some examples.

An Interview Series

Al Turtle — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 08:33:00 -0700

Tis done. Here are 8 hours of chatting about my work. Laura is a very helpful interviewer and producer. Check out other work she does. This article has the links to MP3 files of all sessions. Download and enjoy.

Partnership Vows

Al Turtle — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 11:40:00 -0700

I was asked recently about vows for a wedding or for committing to a special partner. The request was to include the Biological Dream and the idea of a journey together. Here's the result. Twas a fun exercise.

Learn Validation! Get really good at it. Tis just an idea.

Al Turtle — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 10:35:00 -0800

FOR INSPIRATION, TRY THIS! This sort of thing doesn't come often to an old therapist, but it is welcome. Here's an ex-client who, I think, got it. "You can either be in Relationship or Right. You can either Validate or be Right. You can either be Empathic or be Right. Take your pick." Thanks to you, friend.

A Book, based on this Website. Take a look!

Al Turtle — Thu, 28 May 2009 08:48:00 -0700

My friend, Scott Dodson, spent years reading and absorbing all the stuff I teach. The "method in his madness" was to write a marvelous fantasy book: kind of a "Harry Potter" meets Relationships. Alfred, the Turtle, not only is central, but seems to be able to fly!

His book is available online for free - probably a limited time (before the publishers get to it).

Three-Drawer Tool Box

Al Turtle — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 15:17:00 -0800

I believe that everyone needs a three-drawer tool box. Each drawer represents different tools or skills needed in life.

Guilt, and Who is to Blame

Al Turtle — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 11:44:00 -0700

My gosh, people get this simple issue so confused. It isn’t all that difficult. Here’s my poster on it.

In ...

Flying a Great Relationship: An Image

Al Turtle — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 10:50:00 -0700

People ask me how hard is a great relationship, and I am responding more and more that “it is not rocket science.”

But I have come across an image, that isn’t far from what most of us think is “rocket science,” that may be helpful to you.

Find Mr. Right or Ms. Right

Al Turtle — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 10:29:00 -0700

This question comes in often. “I am single and am looking for a partner. I know I have defects. How do I attract the right partner, one I can work with? How do I go about it?”