Al, Thanks for this great article! I also really enjoyed what you said elsewhere on the site about clinging, and how important it is to have a network of people you can turn to. My question is this: If I am feeling hurt and panicked because of something emotional that my partner (the avoider) is currently unable to give me, is sharing that with him necessary? Or are there sometimes situations we should just deal with by turning to other sources of support, ie friends? Where might that line be between me communicating fully about my feelings and me not discussing with him things that may result in him feeling guilty about his limitations and withdrawing further? I realize the connection to your statement that it's not fair to choose for people what they can and can't handle, and I agree. Just not clear on how that plays in when discussing things with an avoider. I'm thinking perhaps it has something to do with pacing, but I'm quite fuzzy on this. Thank you! Stacey