I love this article. The more I read it, the more I identify with it. I am the clinger in my relationship. I, like you Al, require a lot of love units per day. If I do not get them, I feel neglected, not loved, not validated, etc. Like yourself I know I can live alone, but I prefer not to. I like your idea of seeking "love units" elsewhere (as long as is not females) to complement the units my GF is capable at the moment. She is the avoider and has a habit of running away from problems (work, relationships, etc) when it gets too difficult. But she did decided to stick with me and work on our relationship. I failed to see that and recently, after struggling to keep our relationship afloat, she decided to abandon it. She told me she loved me very much (and I love her dearly) but she was tired and left with no hopes to ever fix our relationship. My pattern has been to seek her out and "convince" her that things will change only to get into another conflict (it is maybe the same? just thinking outloud... sorry). We separated very recently and we have kept the contact to a minimum. I saw her yesterday and we talk a bit and at the end we did kiss. She cried and told me she just doesn't want to get hurt again. I am actively and visibly working on myself and I mentioned that to her. I tend to talk too much too (to he annoyance) and I appearead to be trying to convince her again (she said that) when in fact that was not my intention at all. I learned that she has to decide to be with me and convincing somebody to stay in a relationship only work for a little while (or gives the appearence to work). I love her and I do know the relationship is worth it. She is a fantastic woman. She mentioned she doesn't want to go back to the same (me neither!) patterns in a sometimes poisonous relationship. I mentioned your recomendation to “you get rid of the relationship you have, not necessarily the person you are having it with.” Yes, divorce the kind of relationship you have. But, to do that, do you have to divorce your partner? Nope. I really believe that! What do I do next? I have still lots of work to do, and certainly I would love to have her by my side working on the relationship together. I sent her a quick, very short text message. I did not get a response. My fear is that she is seeking somebodyelse already. My lizard is in a state of panic!