Dear Johnny, I can share a few pieces. About waiting for her. While it takes time, I don’t suggest you wait forever. The tasks for you, the learning tasks, I don’t think should be put off. And I believe you need a partner to proceed with that learning. Looking back on my life, I wasted a lot of time waiting. About apologizing: Well, I love the idea of getting a sense of completion for yourself. I am not so fond of the idea of needing or using your partner for this particularly when she is moving away from you. Apologies often seem like a bandaid over a broken leg- good but don't deal with the important issues. You might want to look at the bit I wrote on Making Amends to see a format for a) doing your part and then b) assisting her to do her part. Helping her do her part seem the forgotten component, usually. While validating her resentments is critical, validating her need to do that in her way and at her pace is even more critical. I suggest you don’t mix up your need to apologize/make amends with your desire to help her receive validation for her resentments in her time. Another thought I have is where are your resentments of her behavior hiding? One interesting idea here is that I don’t think you can do much about validating her resentments unless she is present and has just stated one of her resentments. I’m fear your letter may come across as a blanket "I'm growing up and I am forgiving-myself" letter. While that is good, I think validating and Pre-validating her is more important. You ask it the letter would it be healthy? For you, sure, I think it is always good to get off your chest what you have on it. People often use journaling to do this. Better yet is to share it with a good friend, counselor, etc. Does she need to listen or be there? Nope. I like to think that when you speak (send) you seeking validation or at least listening. When she speaks that is what she wants. When I am trying to validate my partner without her participation, then I think probably I am “not seeking to validate her, but am seeking her to validate me. Kind of sneaky, perhaps on my part.” And I have been very sneaky in my past. I think it was a very valuable lesson for me to learn just how sneaky I can be. As far as timing, I think its always good to try. Either you’ll hit the mark or you’ll learn a lesson. Either way you win. Oh, and you mention your "passive-aggressive behavior and the silent treatments." I suggest you prepare yourself for the discovery of a whole lot of other, more clear, specific behaviors of your you will discover that need changing. I'm just guessing between the lines. Keep your head up. Good luck, Al