Dear Johnny, Tis a great questionning: How long do you wait? Is there any hope? When is it definitely over? I wrote an article on this some time ago and maybe we should chat about this topic at that article. First I hear you want a definite clear signal. Good for you and welcome to the world of adults were clarity is a rarity. I've seen people say, "This is definitely over" and reconnect in an hour. I've also seen a couple who had divorced each other three times and were now trying to come back together. I've certainly seen people who divorced, had another marriage which ended, and then come back together. So when you ask for clarity, I don't know where it is. The best thoughts I have are "when to stop putting energy into it" or "when to reduce the amount of energy you put into it?" This, of course is a personal decision. There are many forms of this. If I am fully focused on my current partner, I am not putting much energy into finding a new one. If I am looking for a new partner and haven't found one yet, I will probably keep spending a bit of energy on the last partner. When I have a new partner, I am probably dropping almost to zero the energy I put on my last partner. (Children shared with the first partner complicate this.) The only thing that clearly stops the energy on your old (Imago match) partner is a new (Imago match) partner. Once you wake up to the Tea Leaves, the rest is an investigation. I hear you working on this. One thought is that you seem still to believe that there is such a thing as "facticity" that you can know. Facticity seems to me something out there that each of us see differently. I suggest you read and absorb Master/Slave and get rid of that tendency. A better question is "what do things look like to me and what do things look like to her?" With that framework your question becomes, "I wonder what she was thinking about when she said ' It's over....." I notice that her statements as quoted by you are mostly MasterTalk. And so I recommend scraping off the tone of positive facticity before you try to understand what she is thinking. "I've lost my love for you." Well this is an almost universal statement for a person in the Power Struggle. My belief is that every human who falls in love, will fall out of love. It's part of the Map of Relationship. Still people seem to treat this "absolutely normal occurance" as a disaster! I did. But now I think of it as startling event that presages the growing part of a relationship - the real work toward vintage love. At least it is a choice point. Love your thinking about Emotional Intelligence. Mind you, I think that what I am teaching and displaying is Relational Intelligence. From that point of view part of what you are doing is discovering and actualizing your emotional intelligence and helping your partner discover and activate their's. Sounds good. "Do I ask my self....." Let me change the question. At what point to I cut back my investment, at what point to I drop my investment and seek to invest in someone else? How much time in my life can I spend here? "If we are meant...." I love that spiritual view - as if the Almighty is ordering the whole thing. By the way, I happen to believe that idea with some pretty clear framework. I don't think this is so much about the Almighty, God, spirits etc. as it is about the wisdom we mortals need to respond to events as they are handed to us. I love the phrase, "It's my choice. Either I will enjoy what is happening, or I will have an opportunity to learn and grow up. Both ways I can learn and come closer to God. Either way I win!" In that way, one lesson in front of you is how to deal with your own past blindness about your partner. Another lesson is to develop the awesome skills of patience. Another might be to learn to relax when things are ambiguous. Etc. Oh, and back to that phrase ("If we are meant...."), I hear you still looking for the fact of why "people" say that. Silly guy, the better question is "What does she mean by that phrase?" Good luck.