Dear Mark, I thought I would take a moment and respond to your question about a slave/avoider/conformer leading their partner into Vintage Love. Well, I think it possible, not easy, but doable. Actually in a funny way, I think that it paradoxically often happens. Here are some thoughts. No one is a slave or an avoider or a conformer. People habitually adopt those positions in relationships with others. That is the principle I hold to. We all change. For example, slaves when they argue are trying to become masters. We can all change our reactions and learn something better. The principle is 1% learn, 2% theory, 97% practice. The best practice is in actual situation where the skill is most needed - that is, with the partner. The principle of "It takes one to make a marriage...." is that if one person starts to act in ways consistent with the Biological Dream, the partner will be lead to do so also. Learn to be a Friend no matter what your partner is doing. If they slip into Master, respond from the Friend position. See my papers on Master/Slave and Power of Passivity for specifics. Practice Practice. Learn to use TimeOuts rather than silent withdrawal. Practice Practice. Learn to invite, encourage and unleash curiousity and exploration in yourself and in others. Try something new every day, just a little. Practice Practice. Get help with the learning and the practice. Perhaps find people to practice with who are easier than your partner. But, practice on your partner. Let your partner know what you are doing. Learn how to say it. "I am doing this because I want a great and happy relationship with you, and I need to learn better skills." The Paradoxical Leadership comment comes from my observations that a partner who is deeply a slave/avoider/conformer becomes, over time, a real pain in the ass to their partner. The Master/Clinger/Rebel wants much more from their relationship, but doesn't have the skills - yet. Their partner "hopeless passivity" often provokes (read "leads") them to have to learn. By the way, I kept those three labels of yours together, not because the belong together, but because you used them. I have seen slaves acting clinging, etc. Warmly, Al Turtle