Dear Susan, I hear your distress. And I like the phrase you use "I was the clingy." First let me remind you that you don't have to do anything you don't want. If you want to fix the situation, I say "if", then what I have written may be helpful. Now for a bit of theory. I remind you that I don't think anyone is officially a clinger. In fact, it seems to me that everyone who is out dating, at that time are clingers - they want more connection with others than they have currently. As they start to date, they may, and usually do, shift a bit into the clinger-avoider pattern. After some time they may become deeply stuck. Of course, if the clinger then starts to leave, their partner may "wake up" and switch. I have seen this often. My paper is all about my experience that the clinging partner can fix the problem easily while the avoiding partner usually cannot. The pattern you describe suggests you were pretty a) clingy and b) blind to what was going on in your partner. Things change when you wake up or notice new things. I hope you continue toward what you want.