Hello, MannD, and I read you well. Us Clingers get into this kind of situation. Most people who come to my website and write me seem to be of the Clinger persuasion (Reliable Membership). I do have some thoughts. I am glad you are focusing on healing yourself. I think that is greatly to your advantage. My first suggestion is that you head for my article on Using Turtle Logic. Look at question #1. I think it fits your situation. Become good at TimeOuts, learn to make your loved one feel Safe, get good at being patient, and turn yourself into an expert on Validation. You will probably need to have excellent Boundary skills so that you can hold solid, with your feet on the ground, while your partner learns about himself. (All the terms I use can be found on my website using the search feature - upper right on the front page.) Oh, and by the way, everyone (including myself) is naive about these things. This culture sure raises kids to be relationally naive. And so we gotta learn somehow. Good Luck.