Well, it didn't work. I am responsible but I also think he has OCPD (OCD runs in the family). I just couldn't handle the list-making, and endless decision analyzing, black or white thinking, and the complete dismissal of my needs. I tried to respect his needs... but when you're waiting a year for a commitment and all you hear is 'this list still has items on it that need to be checked off BEFORE I can...' you have to say somthing like: Hey, I'm here waiting-- if I can't help you with the list-- then I need you to finish, get help with, or forget the list so we can have a life together-- otherwise I am wasting my time here. So that's what I said. It didn't work of course, but I do actually think that it was the right thing for me.