Hello Al. Me again asking your for your invaluable advise. My GF and I have separated after bitter and quite frankly abusive fights. I came to the realization that I am unfairly responding with my "fight or flight" due to my experiences. My lizard doesn't want to get hurt again. I have read your article on safety and I am glad to say I want to move into that direction. I have asked to he to initiate a different relationship (following your advise that you can change a relationship without changing your partner) because I do love her. My question is this: I know she will be watching my every reaction and that makes me very, very uneasy. I am afraid to make a mistake and that makes me even more tense. What can I do to make her feel safe when both of us are that tense?