This site might be very useful for me. My husband of 16 years moved out after 6 weeks of verbally and action wise making it clear he has no idea if he wants to stay with me. Switched back and forth between agreeing to counseling (something he needs and i have started), wanting to work on it, not wanting to, and giving many excuses as to why he is tired of dealing with me, has no energy for me and isnt happy and needs to see if he can be happy "alone". he also has not been honest about alot and has a (hx) tendency to get caught in his "mistruth's" and then get defensive.I am miserable and have startedworknig on healing myself. He syas he doesnt know if he will be coming back and doesnt know how long he'll be "finding" himself. We also have a 12 yr old who is devastated as well. Am i being naive and foolish? I do love him and know he still has something for me. But, he walked out and also expects me to help him "fund" this little break from reality and the real world! Along, with our regualr bills and daily life. (he says he'll still contribute his check into our account, but thats where the money for him to stay somewhere else will come from as well.) I make slightly more than him and I feel this is unfair since he wont give me a timeline or whether he's going to come back or not. He knows how i feel and repsonds by saying I dont know right now. Swears up and down there is no one else. I'd love to believe that but he has broekn my trust completely. Any advice?

Hello, MannD, and I read you well. Us Clingers get into this kind of situation. Most people who come to my website and write me seem to be of the Clinger persuasion (Reliable Membership). I do have some thoughts.

I am glad you are focusing on healing yourself. I think that is greatly to your advantage. My first suggestion is that you head for my article on Using Turtle Logic. Look at question #1. I think it fits your situation. Become good at TimeOuts, learn to make your loved one feel Safe, get good at being patient, and turn yourself into an expert on Validation. You will probably need to have excellent Boundary skills so that you can hold solid, with your feet on the ground, while your partner learns about himself. (All the terms I use can be found on my website using the search feature - upper right on the front page.)

Oh, and by the way, everyone (including myself) is naive about these things. This culture sure raises kids to be relationally naive. And so we gotta learn somehow.

Good Luck.

Last week I found myself in a tough situation when he walked out. He has not returned, and not sure if he will. THANK YOU!!! I'm only just beginning, but this is the only thing out there that has provided me hope. Looks like I have alot of work ahead of me.