I am beginning to use the word Triage to apply to the question, "How much should I get involved? How much energy is it wise to expend on this person? / this couple?"    more »

Relationship confusion. Though I have written many times about this topic, I still find it the hardest for people to grasp. And in all my experience of relating, in starting a relationship, recovering one, maintain a high reliable quality of connection, this is the most important. Here is another attempt to make the relational situation clearer. [I've also been reminded that this is Advanced Relationship material - not for beginners.]   more »

So many times I've heard the phrase, "he/she did that out of the blue." I love the phrase. It seems so colorful. And also many people write me, and read my thoughts, about what to do when he/she leaves. Put these two issues together and I give you this article.    more »

I have been asked recently by people who are reading my papers on boundaries how to decide if something is mine or my partner's or what?? I was writing a response, and decided I'd better post it for everyone.    more »

My gosh, people get this simple issue so confused.  It isn’t all that difficult.  Here’s my poster on it.

In ...   more »

Even as I began to understand about boundaries for individuals, I was still stunned by what wildness happens in a committed couple. People keep telling me that they can get along with anyone except their partner at home. I frequently watch professionally competent couples act like little, tantrum-throwing, children in my office. What are the boundary issues that make the experiences of couples, or an intimate relationships, so powerful? This paper covers what I have learned going on.    more »

Whenever I think I know what someone else "should" do I remember this story.   more »

Several years ago, I was asked during a class, "How do you know that you have a great relationship?" I found myself mentioning four attributes - one was "excellent boundaries." Someone then asked, "How would you recognize excellent boundaries? What are their indicators?" I thought about that for several weeks. I came up with a list. I have found this list quite provocative.   more »

This is my paper on Boundaries for Individuals. This is everything I think a person needs to know about setting up and maintaining their differences when someone else is around. It contains all my thinking on personal boundaries. Enjoy.   more »