Stop the Divorce:  Now, I am not saying that you are thinking the wrong thing.  In fact, I am glad you are considering divorce.  I don't think you would be thinking of this step , if things were going well.  I bet things are going really badly.  I bet you have lost, or are very near to giving up, hope.  I tend to believe you are thinking divorce as a last and worst choice.

I rejoice that you are still wanting to go for a better marriage that then one you have got.  I am very happy that you still have that image, that dream, of a “great marriage.”  On the other hand, I doubt that you want to live alone forever, and besides I don't believe you are designed for living alone.  

I strongly believe that your “dream of a great marriage” is do-able.  It can be accomplished.  And I really want you to get it.   But where do you go from here, when it seems hopeless?

What I encourage you to do is "divorce the relationship you have had, but not necessarily the person you are having it with!"   I encourage you to “get the benefits of living alone, while living with someone.”  It means nothing more than work and learning and work and practice. 

Remember, “doing what you are currently doing is getting you what you have – hopelessness.  You have to do something else.”  It is often cheaper/easier to learn new things with this partner than going out and finding a new partner, then going through the whold thing again.  Change that mess.  Work, learn, work, practice.

I have seen thousands of couples and helping people make better marriages is a joy to me.  (Learn more about me and my wife, Sandra.)

All couples I have seen get to the point where they don't have the tools to fix the problems they have.  They solve what they know how to, sure.  But they are left with those nasty problems for which they were not taught the tools.  So before you divorce, start learning new tools.

You might start by going to my Main Page to get an idea of this website.  I've also created a page of One-Liners that have helped me and that I share.  You get explanations for those ideas by clicking on them.  You might want to start with the page I created to guide people at this site.  You might want to jump right in to learning what is going on in marriages and what to do. Or perhaps you want a specific answer to a specific problem.  Try searching the site, or look at my page on solving problems.

When in doubt, email me,Al Turtle.  I will try to direct you.

As a gift, I want you to get the marriage of your dreams and I believe that

"It takes one to make a marriage and two to make a divorce. "

So go for it?

Al