“We haven’t had a fight since we got married,” Eh? Oh-oh.

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Not something to brag about. When I see a couple, I always have a sinking feeling when they proudly affirm that they have never had a fight.

 All that tells me is that 

  • they've  only known each other for one week
  • they are avoiding/denying the delicate issues
  • they fear the relationship can't handle conflict,  disagreement, differences
  • they don't know how to communicate about conflict
  • they've made a pledge to themselves or to each other that their love is so uniquely special that they will be the first couple in history to never disagree
  • they're lying.

 Bottom line: They don't understand that loving affirmation brings people together, but ability to effectively resolve (not avoid) conflict is a key to keeping people together over the long haul.  

Cary Lantz, quoted in SmartMarriages.com 1999

 

 


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