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Boundaries for Individuals: The Essay — 13 Comments

  1. This is so useful for helping me learn to make my own boundaries.

    What can you do if you are with someone whose peasants are frozen in fear and you have no idea that you have overstepped a boundary until they raise the drawbridge (and even then you might not know what you did)? I know the article says his boundaries are his responsibility, but I care about him and want to make it work, so I don’t know what to do.

    • Hello Melanie, Glad you are finding this all out. People with poor Boundary Skills almost always link up with people who have poor Boundary Skills. One usually notices this first as the other is usually acting on those boundary invasions and pulling away. The person left behind seems to be very surprised.

      So the process out of this situation, found by millions so don’t feel alone, involves both learning. Usually the person left behind is the first to start the learning process as their Boundary tactics are not working for them as well as their partner’s. Tis somewhat about feeling powerless over the other and “the one who can leave has all the power.”

      I think you’re one the right track in looking for things you don’t know – learning. The goal is to foster and create a community for both where both help each other have good boundaries and boundary skills. Read on.

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