On this page I would like to give you possible choices of starting points and paths to follow. If you write me with questions, I'll be glad to add a more personal path for your needs. This page is a work in progress.
Some people have enjoyed starting out by reading the One Liners I have collected. These are a series of one line reminder phrases that I have personally used to help me unlearn the terrible teachings I received as a kid, and to replace them with strong lessons that contain relationship wisdom. Often these phrases have served as a point to distinguish between Traditional Marriage/Family values and Vintage Love values. You might want to read them until you find a phrase that leaps out at you, that disturbs you, that bothers your held beliefs. I suggest you then read the related article and learn in what way that One Liner is valuable. For my One Liners, click here.
For other people, who really like structure, who want to construct the building from the basement up, I wrote the article Where do you start? What goes first? This was an attempt of reflect the priority of topics that I have found useful. My truth is that you have to work on all of these skills at same time, but some seem more foundational. For this article, click here.
And still other people want to look at their problem, the one that is right in their face, first. Perhaps you might do a search of the words that come to mind. Under the Links at the right, you will find a Search of words on my site.
Let's see what category you are in? Everyone is somewhere!
Single, never in a relationship – Map
Single, once more – split/divorced at least once – Map
On your own – Map
Dating and happy – “Go away and have fun. Come back when you are in trouble. Don’t wait too long.”
Married over two years, with a problem or two or three.
Partner won't talk, avoids you. – Reliable Membership, Master/Slave, Safety
Partner is always in your face – Reliable Membership, Master/Slave, Safety, TimeOuts
Arguments – Autonomy, Master/Slave, Safety, TimeOuts
Anger outbursts – Autonomy, Master/Slave, Feelings, Safety, TimeOuts
Crying outbursts – Feelings, Safety, Validation
Criticism – Diversity, Control
Bossiness – Diversity, Control, Autonomy
Lateness or Forgetful – Master/Slave, Feelings.
Irresponsibility – Master/Slave, Boundaries
Married: not happy – Map, Safety
Married: partner addicted.– Boundaries, Story: Old Dog
Married: partner having an affair – Map, and “to be written”
Married: thinking of or moving toward leaving– Map
Married: partner thinking of or moving toward leaving – Things to do.
Partner did something surprising, “out of the blue.” – People make Sense.
I have organized my Relationship materials by the following topics in the Menu at the right side of the main page and of all article or subject pages. It is my belief that when two people become practitioners of the Biological Dream Skills and when they remove or repair the damage that occurred in each person’s history/childhood, they become Vintage Lovers and achieve the goal that all people desire. So here are the areas: Safety, Reliable Membership, Diversity, Autonomy, Purpose, Boundaries, Communication, Emotional Maturity, and Healing.
These skills are all relational – they have no meaning when you are alone. You can only learn them with another person. Fortunately, nature wants to bond each of us to a perfect study partner. Such a partner is usually equally bright, equally messed up or crazy, and equally interested in a better relationship. “If you fell in love, and are now fighting, you are probably with the right person” – the right person to learn all this with, the perfect study partner. Another way of saying it is that if you fell in love, and they are now driving you crazy, all is well. Get to work, start learning. If you had these skills, there would be nothing but fun. When you have these skills there will be nothing but fulfillment. That is my belief.