Directions to Go

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Directions, Directions! 

On this page I would like to give you possible choices of starting points and paths to follow.  If you write me with questions, I'll be glad to add a more personal path for your needs.  This page is a work in progress.

Directions

One way to start is by reading or listening to the Map of Relationship.  This can be a great help just helping you see the framework for your efforts.  For a short version of this essay, click here.

Some people have enjoyed starting out by reading the One Liners I have collected.  These are a series of one line reminder phrases that I have personally used to help me unlearn the terrible teachings I received as a kid, and to replace them with strong lessons that contain relationship wisdom.  Often these phrases have served as a point to distinguish between Traditional Marriage/Family values and Vintage Love values.  You might want to read them until you find a phrase that leaps out at you, that disturbs you, that bothers your held beliefs.  I suggest you then read the related article and learn in what way that One Liner is valuable. For my One Liners, click here

For other people, who really like structure, who want to construct the building from the basement up, I wrote the article Where do you start? What goes first?  This was an attempt of reflect the priority of topics that I have found useful.  My truth is that you have to work on all of these skills at same time, but some seem more foundational.  For this article, click here.

And still other people want to look at their problem, the one that is right in their face, first.  Perhaps you might do a search of the words that come to mind. Under the Links at the right, you will find a Search of words on my site.

Let's see what category you are in?  Everyone is somewhere!

Single, never in a relationship – Map
Single, once more – split/divorced at least once – Map
       On your own – Map
       Dating and happy – “Go away and have fun. Come back when you are in trouble. Don’t wait too long.”

Married over two years, with a problem or two or three.
       Partner won't talk, avoids you. – Reliable Membership, Master/Slave,  Safety
       Partner is always in your face – Reliable Membership, Master/Slave, Safety, TimeOuts
       Arguments – Autonomy, Master/Slave, Safety, TimeOuts
       Anger outbursts – Autonomy, Master/Slave, Feelings, Safety, TimeOuts
       Crying outbursts – Feelings, Safety, Validation
       Criticism – Diversity, Control
       Bossiness – Diversity, Control, Autonomy
       Lateness or Forgetful – Master/Slave, Feelings.
       Irresponsibility – Master/Slave, Boundaries
Married: not happy – Map, Safety
Married: partner addicted.– Boundaries, Story: Old Dog
Married: partner having an affair – Map, and “to be written”
Married: thinking of or moving toward leaving– Map
Married: partner thinking of or moving toward leaving – Things to do.

Partner did something surprising, “out of the blue.” –  People make Sense.

USc

I have organized my Relationship materials by the following topics in the Menu at the right side of the main page and of all article or subject pages.  It is my belief that when two people become practitioners of the Biological Dream Skills and when they remove or repair the damage that occurred in each person’s history/childhood, they become Vintage Lovers and achieve the goal that all people desire.   So here are the areas: Safety, Reliable Membership, Diversity, Autonomy, Purpose, Boundaries, Communication, Emotional Maturity, and Healing. 

These skills are all relational – they have no meaning when you are alone.  You can only learn them with another person. Fortunately, nature wants to bond each of us to a perfect study partner.  Such a partner is usually equally bright, equally messed up or crazy, and equally interested in a better relationship.  “If you fell in love, and are now fighting, you are probably with the right person” – the right person to learn all this with, the perfect study partner.  Another way of saying it is that if you fell in love, and they are now driving you crazy, all is well.  Get to work, start learning. If you had these skills, there would be nothing but fun.  When you have these skills there will be nothing but fulfillment. That is my belief.

Main Page
     Relationships
          Map
          Five PrimarySkills
               Safety
               Reliable Membership
               Diversity
               Autonomy
               Purpose (to be written)
           Critical Skills
               Communication
               Boundaries
               Feelings       
               Healing

Stories
Solving Problems
PeaceBuilding


Comments

Directions to Go — 6 Comments

  1. Dear Al,
    Thank you so much for the insight and encouragement. It is nice to know that I will always win no matter what I decide. Your idea of “It takes only one” is intriguing but it gives me hope. So I will start taking lessons in the University of Life myself first. I want to eventually reach the stage of Vintage Love. No matter whether he comes along, I need to learn and grow for myself.
    Best,
    Nancy

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