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Where do you start? What goes first? — 15 Comments

  1. Al may not like this response, but read up on PMDD. I have recently experienced something very similar and the symptoms of this disorder match my fiancee's behavior. Panic attacks, anxiety, doubt, depression, irritability, and more. look at the livestrong website or just start web searching. It might be a clue. Al says don't label people, but this is something to be aware of.

  2. Hello Al,
    I have been reading you site for some time and trying to use you advice the best I can. My partner recently left without a reason, the I love you's and future toghether were still present up till that morning. Then she told me that she has a feeling of dread that is linked to the relationship that she cant explain and has to end it. I accepted her decision and made little to no problems for her. My question is she said the feeling was only a few days old.
    A bit of a background she has a one year old that the father has little to nothing to do with. Her father kicked her out of a house on the request of his girlfriend and they speak very little which causes her alot of stress. She has just started classes again and is very busy. She was raised in the country
    I am done with school and have a very good job. I am a calm person that never takes anything seriously. She told me that I am what she is looking for in a man and never knew someone like me existed. I was raised in the city.
    I am not going to chase her because thanks to the lizard I know what she is feeling. I want her to work through her issues but also let her know I care deeply and be supportive without chasing.
    Thank you,
    Ryan

  3. Convince him? Get him to read? Never worked for me. I recall reading “Getting the Love you Want”, redlining it and handing it to my wife. She threw it across the room. Yup, you can bring a partner to an article but you can't make them read — or something like that about horses, though. 🙂
    You can read, learn the skills, practice the skills, which your partner will see and perhaps inquire where you got your ideas. That works, but is slow. Still is better than trying to convince.
    I found that reading, putting up posters all around the house to remind me, but is seen by my partner, also tends to speed things up. Link to Posters.
    Wish it were easier.

  4. Hello Al:
    My boyfriend and I have broken up (again). I'm trying to work things out…showing him this website. He says that relationships shouldn't be so much work, that if we have to work so hard we aren't good together. How can I convince him that we are good but we need to learn new skills? I love him dearly and I want to work through our issues. I've been reading articles for years, I want him to be a part of it too.
    Thanks for sharing your wisdom with all of us….so appreciated.
    Amanda

  5. Of course. I believe we are designed to work our way out of troubles. Read on. The Map of Relationships is a good place to start. But remember, you've already started with each other. You have lots of clues to what you will need to work on. Tis all in the stuff you do that frustrates each other.

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