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Where do you start? What goes first? — 15 Comments

    • The most common trait of a potentially deep “Imago” relationship is a kind of “stickiness.” No matter what happens the two keep ending up together. A squabble and they’re back together soon. Just hanging a lot. Often others notice the effect first and think them kinda weird. To my mind it is beautiful.

      What’s up!

  1. My wife and I separated and we are trying to come back together. I think that this article is the Best thing for helping that along than any I have seen. Thank You Al, I just wish I would have known I needed your relationship adice before I needed it (if that makes any sense).

    • Dear Jim,  Sorry I’ve been away during your postings.  Seems you’ve got a whole pile of “uglies” going on.  Sure the weight thing is a problem with hundreds of causes and solutions.  Glad you two have counselors to help.  For me, you guys are in the crunch time at the end of the Power Struggle where a) the pain is maximum, b) the confusion is enormous, c) choices are pretty clear – but who wants to make ’em.   A useful reminder is that couples tend to stay with, marry, people who are equally traumatized through life.  Both need about equal work.  Focus on only one and trouble seems to get worse.  On the other hand, the power which attracts you to each other will remain enormous for decades.  Imago Match stuff.  Isn’t turned off easily.  

      One thought I had was that as people “grow up” they tend to go through an exploration period.   Sounds as if she’s been doing that.  I think it’s a good healthy sign, but scary for you in your clinginess.  

      Anyway I can help, more?

  2. When you “kind of quote me wrong” I am inclined to speak up. I do like your response. I don't tell people not to label.
    I believe it is useful to hear every response. Of course I won't agree, but then I never do. Though sometimes I sense we are close to thinking or saying the same thing.
    I think people have to label. That's all about using words and symbols in our thinking processes. But Labels are never the thing that is being labeled – a concept from General Semantics. I think it is wise to be cautious when sharing labels about your partner. I like to create the appropriate “atmosphere” of safety first.

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